I hate bedtime

I didn't always hate bedtime. I don't remember what I was like when I was a kid, and whether I went willingly or not. I usually stay up past my bedtime and therefore am so exhausted when I actually get to bed that I really like getting to bed. What I hate is getting kids ready for bedtime.

I want to know, exactly how long does it take to put on pajamas, brush your teeth, and lay out clothes for tomorrow? Even when you have 5 kids, shouldn't they all be able to do it within a matter of minutes? Not in my house. Oh, no. In my house it takes at least an hour.

An hour? Are you kidding me? What's really going on here? Well, let's analyze tonight.

Bedtime began at 8:45 when I yelled down the stairs to tell the kids to get ready for bed. Noelle said, "Can I wait till the show's over?" "Oh, all right," I sigh, against my better judgment. I go back to my room and get back to my preschool preparation for tomorrow. At 9:15 I realize it's been a half hour since I said anything, so I go to check on them. "Who's ready for bed?" I call down the stairs. No response from Melissa, who is at the kitchen table doing homework. No response from Erick, who is behind his closed bedroom door and can't hear me. "Me," says Spencer. "Me," says Shannen. "I'm itchy," says Noelle.

"I don't care," I say. "Get ready for bed." Noelle peeks her head around the stairs. "I'm itchy." I say again, "I don't care. Get ready for bed." She walks up two stairs and points to her thigh. "I'm itchy right here." Again, "I don't care. Get ready for bed." She walks up two more stairs. "But my legs are so tired." That's it. "You're giving me too many excuses. Now get ready for bed." Reluctantly, she climbs the rest of the stairs and goes to the bathroom.

Shannen comes into my room and needs a last minute homework help. "I'm on the morning announcements and I need a spanish phrase for tomorrow." I get online and try to find a few phrases like Happy Easter, spring, party, etc. For a variety of reasons, none of them are suitable. Then I come up with the perfect word. Since it's almost Easter vacation, how about rabbit? I type in rabbit. My computer freezes and shuts down. Noelle is singing from the toilet. I ask Shannen to leave the room for a minute because my body's "I hate bedtime" response is starting to kick in.

It's 9:30 and Mel, in response to my distress call, is helping Noelle finish. I sit alone in my room and take a few deep breaths. After complaining loudly about how I hate bedtime, I decide to sing "I like bedtime" to the tune of "I like candy" and dance into the bathroom to check on Noelle. She laughs through her toothpaste because I'm being silly. She forgets to spit. Ick.

Time for one last check. "Did everyone lay out their clothes for tomorrow?" I ask. Shannen goes downstairs. I sit back down at the computer and wait.

9:45. Everyone's finally upstairs for family prayer. It has taken exactly one hour. I need a drink. (Diet coke, everyone)

I decide that the reason bedtime takes an hour is that I'm trying to multi-task. I figure I have two choices. I can erroneously assume that children age 10 and older are capable of completing a 3 item list in under 10 minutes, and then be upset that my expectations have not been met. Or, I could lower my expectations, stop working myself for ten minutes, and follow everyone around until it's done. Mel offers to help do this with me tomorrow night. Maybe tomorrow I will not hate bedtime.

Hey, look at that. It's 10:30. Past my bedtime. Again.