I don't know how many times I have turned to God in prayer, seeking an answer or help for myself or a loved one, and I have found that answer or comforting words of wisdom THE VERY NEXT DAY by opening the scriptures or reading what an apostle has to say.
Here's the comfort and answer I received today:
Elder Ballard says this about the Proclamation on the Family:
“Read it and strive to align your marriage and your family to its inspired, revealed direction from the Lord,” he says. “Then be the very best and act the very best you can. God will give you strength beyond your own as you strive daily to fulfill the most sacred mortal responsibility He gives to His children. Listen to the voice of the Spirit and the counsel of the living prophets. Be of good cheer. God did not place you on earth to fail, and your efforts as parents will not be counted as failure unless you give up.”
I love our leaders.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
My Son
Here he is again, at cliff’s
edge
surveying his future.
As he has grown we often have been here
together.
I have cradled him
held him high on my shoulders
and held his hand.
How many times I have sprinted to
intercept his approach with outstretched arms
hoping to prevent, to protect, to shelter.
I know if he steps now he could
fall.
I think if he will stop, learn, listen and wait
he could fly.
But as of late my guardian wings have turned
to wired barbs
he strains against them
and it hurts.
He wants to jump.
So today I throw out my arms again
this time not to save him but to
restrain myself.
I lean on faith
and pray and hope and cry out
this also hurts.
And then I remember there is One who knew
him before he was mine;
who loves him more than I
(if such a thing is possible),
who can do from His position what I cannot:
Catch.
edge
surveying his future.
As he has grown we often have been here
together.
I have cradled him
held him high on my shoulders
and held his hand.
How many times I have sprinted to
intercept his approach with outstretched arms
hoping to prevent, to protect, to shelter.
I know if he steps now he could
fall.
I think if he will stop, learn, listen and wait
he could fly.
But as of late my guardian wings have turned
to wired barbs
he strains against them
and it hurts.
He wants to jump.
So today I throw out my arms again
this time not to save him but to
restrain myself.
I lean on faith
and pray and hope and cry out
this also hurts.
And then I remember there is One who knew
him before he was mine;
who loves him more than I
(if such a thing is possible),
who can do from His position what I cannot:
Catch.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Divorce
This month I broke up with the public school system. After analyzing my own public school experiences as well as those of my older teenagers, I have come to believe that our current system is fundamentally flawed and broken. I have moral and academic objections to the current system, and I want out.
So, I’m making the break. Today was Noelle’s last day of 2nd grade, and, assuming I don’t change my mind again in the future, the last day our family will be in contact with an elementary school. I’ve still got a few older kids that would rather die than be home schooled, so they are staying where they are. But the youngest two are another story.
What I will miss about elementary school:
Shopping for back to school supplies and clothes, back to school night, the colorful classroom, the little desk with the personalized name tag, the feeling of anticipation you get at the beginning of another year, helping in the classroom so I can get to know the teacher and know who the kids in the class are (both the troublemakers as well as my child’s friends), planning for school lunch, field trips, class plays and presentations, award assemblies that make my child feel important, end of year programs, the sense of community, lots of people to choose from for my child to make friends, and lots more things I can’t think of right now.
As I review this list, I realize that we can still participate in most of these things, or find a better replacement, just in our own way.
What I will not miss about elementary school:
My well behaved child having to be disciplined along with the entire class when she has been obedient but others have not, bullies, never-ending homework, peer pressure, “Mom, this girl at school keeps hitting me,” first-best-friends and second-best-friends and not-so-friendly competition, constantly feeling guilty when I hear my daughter ask on a near-daily basis “Mom, will you do something with me?” because I am honestly out of time and ideas by the time she gets home from school, and lots more things I can’t think of right now.
Actually, I really like the school Noelle has been at for the last two years. But the horrors of junior high and high school are what I really want to avoid, and so I have to start in elementary school in order to be successful later.
What are the horrors? For me, the horrific side of it involves the spiritual, moral, emotional and social aspects of life. There exists a false reality created by spending all your time with a group of people your own age, and the resulting cliques and social class system. I don’t care who’s popular or why. I didn’t care in high school (well, not much anyway) and I don’t care now. So many girls dress inappropriately. So many boys look. There is so much unkindness, foul language, immorality, vulgarity and even violence. I send my precious children out into the world to do battle with the devil every day. Why do I do this? When they could be protected from it and learn the same things, if not more and better, by learning at home? How does this prepare them for the real world? I live in the real world, and I don’t deal with a fraction of what my kids have to deal with. I propose that the junior high and high school environment can do more harm to the spirit than it can do good for the mind.
And then of course there is the academic side of it. What is there to be gained by cramming facts into a temporary storage location in my brain, spitting the same facts out again onto a test, forgetting almost all of those facts, and moving on to the next topic? I reject the textbook-worksheet-test-grade model of learning. It may be the only method available to a teacher with 30 students, all of whom have different learning styles and paces, interests, abilities, etc. I embrace a model that reaches my child at her level, challenges her appropriately, allows her to own her own knowledge by digging out the information herself rather than being spoon-fed by a teacher or a textbook.
I know that there are a lot of objections to homeschooling. I’ve researched many of them and I am developing my personal responses to them. I know there are a lot of different reasons for and ways to homeschool. I say, to each her own. I know what I like, what I don’t like, and what I’m going to do about it. Just like the actual divorce I went through over 10 years ago, I’m stepping out of a bad situation into the unknown. But no matter how much it hurts or how scary it may be, I absolutely know that it is the best decision for me and my children. The unknown holds such wonderful possibilities. And so we begin our adventure.
If you are interested in following our adventure, check out our new blog at http://www.awesomeadventurehomeschooling.blogspot.com/.
So, I’m making the break. Today was Noelle’s last day of 2nd grade, and, assuming I don’t change my mind again in the future, the last day our family will be in contact with an elementary school. I’ve still got a few older kids that would rather die than be home schooled, so they are staying where they are. But the youngest two are another story.
What I will miss about elementary school:
Shopping for back to school supplies and clothes, back to school night, the colorful classroom, the little desk with the personalized name tag, the feeling of anticipation you get at the beginning of another year, helping in the classroom so I can get to know the teacher and know who the kids in the class are (both the troublemakers as well as my child’s friends), planning for school lunch, field trips, class plays and presentations, award assemblies that make my child feel important, end of year programs, the sense of community, lots of people to choose from for my child to make friends, and lots more things I can’t think of right now.
As I review this list, I realize that we can still participate in most of these things, or find a better replacement, just in our own way.
What I will not miss about elementary school:
My well behaved child having to be disciplined along with the entire class when she has been obedient but others have not, bullies, never-ending homework, peer pressure, “Mom, this girl at school keeps hitting me,” first-best-friends and second-best-friends and not-so-friendly competition, constantly feeling guilty when I hear my daughter ask on a near-daily basis “Mom, will you do something with me?” because I am honestly out of time and ideas by the time she gets home from school, and lots more things I can’t think of right now.
Actually, I really like the school Noelle has been at for the last two years. But the horrors of junior high and high school are what I really want to avoid, and so I have to start in elementary school in order to be successful later.
What are the horrors? For me, the horrific side of it involves the spiritual, moral, emotional and social aspects of life. There exists a false reality created by spending all your time with a group of people your own age, and the resulting cliques and social class system. I don’t care who’s popular or why. I didn’t care in high school (well, not much anyway) and I don’t care now. So many girls dress inappropriately. So many boys look. There is so much unkindness, foul language, immorality, vulgarity and even violence. I send my precious children out into the world to do battle with the devil every day. Why do I do this? When they could be protected from it and learn the same things, if not more and better, by learning at home? How does this prepare them for the real world? I live in the real world, and I don’t deal with a fraction of what my kids have to deal with. I propose that the junior high and high school environment can do more harm to the spirit than it can do good for the mind.
And then of course there is the academic side of it. What is there to be gained by cramming facts into a temporary storage location in my brain, spitting the same facts out again onto a test, forgetting almost all of those facts, and moving on to the next topic? I reject the textbook-worksheet-test-grade model of learning. It may be the only method available to a teacher with 30 students, all of whom have different learning styles and paces, interests, abilities, etc. I embrace a model that reaches my child at her level, challenges her appropriately, allows her to own her own knowledge by digging out the information herself rather than being spoon-fed by a teacher or a textbook.
I know that there are a lot of objections to homeschooling. I’ve researched many of them and I am developing my personal responses to them. I know there are a lot of different reasons for and ways to homeschool. I say, to each her own. I know what I like, what I don’t like, and what I’m going to do about it. Just like the actual divorce I went through over 10 years ago, I’m stepping out of a bad situation into the unknown. But no matter how much it hurts or how scary it may be, I absolutely know that it is the best decision for me and my children. The unknown holds such wonderful possibilities. And so we begin our adventure.
If you are interested in following our adventure, check out our new blog at http://www.awesomeadventurehomeschooling.blogspot.com/.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Choose The Right
You know that old book "All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum? Things like "share everything," "play fair," and "don't hit people."
Well there's also a Mormon copycat list: "All I really need to know I learned in Primary." I personally like "choose the right," "kindness begins with me," and "do your duties with a heart full of song." And this year I choose CTR for my mantra.
I could have said I chose it as my motto. The dictionary says a motto is "a short saying expressing the guiding maxim or ideal of a family, organization, etc." I hope CTR to be my guiding maxim, so that's true. But I like mantra better. The dictionary says a mantra (hinduism, buddhism) is "any sacred word or syllable used as an object of concentration and embodying some aspect of spiritual power." I think CHOOSE for me fits this definition.
Given my understanding of the Plan of Salvation, choice is very much part of my spiritual power. Not in the same way the hindus would use it, I'm sure. But I'd rather feel empowered by my ability to choose the right (which often means choosing "best" over "better") than hindered by feelings that I have to deny myself certain things.
I like knowing that I am "free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men." I want to ponder the ways to "choose you this day whom ye will serve" and the meaning of "here is wisdom, and let every man choose for himself until I come." (2 Ne 2:27, Joshua 24:15, D&C 37:4)
Funny how I haven't really ever used CTR in my personal life as an adult. How often we hear it in primary, and now even as youth with the popular rings and other jewelry. But you almost never see it or think of it as an adult. Well, it's time for me to remember the lessons I learned in childhood. Only this time it's not just to help me remember the lessons of share, play nice and not hit people.
This time, for me, it will be to use CTR as a motivating and empowering idea. I am currently wearing one of those cheap-o adjustable band CTR rings you get in primary. Noelle got one on Sunday but since she already has two other rings, she kindly let me have this one. I also want to get some CTR emblem stickers and put them on things like my debit card, my computer, my calendar, my steering wheel.
On my debit card, to help me remember that I get to CHOOSE to spend my money on the things that matter most. On my computer, to help me remember that I get to CHOOSE to spend my leisure time learning or creating things online instead of hours of brainless computer games. On my calendar, to help me remember that I get to CHOOSE to spend my time on the things that matter most. And on my steering wheel because, well, if you know me.....
I've also heard that every choice you make brings you one step closer to God or one step away from Him. How can choosing to spend my money correctly bring me closer to God? Maybe by realizing that I'm following the counsel we've been given to stay out of debt, and to know that I am being a good steward over the things I've been blessed with. Also to make sure I give a full tithe and generous fast offering whilch helps others and brings me closer to God. Same thing with time. In this era of overload, I have to so often choose between two good things. This is hard for me, and often I think I choose the "better" things rather than the "best" things. (Dallin H. Oaks, October 2007 conference). Maybe my CTR ring can help me remember to more often choose the "best" things.
I've been choosing the right for just a few days now. Well, more than that hopefully, but really using it as a conscious motivating idea since Sunday. And guess what? I've accomplished a TON of stuff, and despite my long night of uncomfortable semi-sleep with my baby, I'm actually peaceful and happy this morning. I like it. I think I'm going to go CTR some more right now.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
A Perfect Moment
The season has changed. The temperature has fallen and the breeze carries something new, crisp, and inviting. The birds outside my window are chattering, planning their upcoming journey south. The house is quiet, with the rest of my family at church. I sit on my bed and hold in my arms a tiny infant, flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood. She is awake, but only just. I feel at peace; yesterday’s struggle to provide her the nourishment she seeks now temporarily forgotten. What a miracle, what a blessing, what a gift it is that I have been allowed to be co-creator of this little life, and that my body has the means to sustain her life.
Tears of joy and gratitude come unbidden as I contemplate my life. All I have, everything I am and everyone I love having been given me through the grace of God. I think of the many souls who make up the family to which I belong, the ones who give meaning to and sustain my life. I am happy that she is now part of this family and my life--my precious Ava Grace.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
One More Week (and the longest night to date)
Yesterday I had my LAST DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT before the scheduled cesarean next Tuesday. It feels to good to be able to say that. Then last night I started having contractions so hard that I decided to pack a hospital bag. It didn't amount to anything, as usual (been having contractions for several weeks now). But I'm glad I packed anyway, because it took longer than I thought it would and I want to be ready just in case. My left swollen elephant leg is now so swollen that it hurts to walk or even sit. I think I went to bed around 10:00. I saw the clock on the way to the bathroom at 12:30, 1:45, 3:00, 4:30, 5:15. I finally gave up around 6:30 and just stayed up. I can't sleep well anyway because my hips hurt so bad.
On one of my late night trips to the bathroom, instead of feeling sorry for myself I found myself feeling profoundly grateful. Grateful that my indoor plumbed toilet is within 10 steps of my bed. Grateful that I haven't had nights like this while living in a one room cabin or while crossing the plains. Grateful that there haven't been 12 pregnancies like this, only to end in the early death of half of those babies. Grateful for insurance that pays for all my pregnancy care, the expert doctor who will perform my surgery, the hospital facility and care for my newborn. Grateful that my body knows how to grow a baby. Grateful for my husband. Grateful for my Heavenly Father who has allowed me to have the children I have desired.
7 more nights. I can do it.
On one of my late night trips to the bathroom, instead of feeling sorry for myself I found myself feeling profoundly grateful. Grateful that my indoor plumbed toilet is within 10 steps of my bed. Grateful that I haven't had nights like this while living in a one room cabin or while crossing the plains. Grateful that there haven't been 12 pregnancies like this, only to end in the early death of half of those babies. Grateful for insurance that pays for all my pregnancy care, the expert doctor who will perform my surgery, the hospital facility and care for my newborn. Grateful that my body knows how to grow a baby. Grateful for my husband. Grateful for my Heavenly Father who has allowed me to have the children I have desired.
7 more nights. I can do it.
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